How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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