I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
this just has baby written all over it
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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