Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
there is puke in my bra ... again
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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