He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
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He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
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We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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