DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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