forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
operation harelip BJ is a go
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
