just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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