she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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