the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize