he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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