my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
