he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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