If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
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