david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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