He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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