we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
