i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I am naked and annoyed.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Randomize
