She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
