im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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