Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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