she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
