I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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