history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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