six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
