Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
