No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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