Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
