he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Let's paint friendship bongs
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
