he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
