Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
