hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
