We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
