u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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