Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I just want to make out with him forever
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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