I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
