i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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