dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
