Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I need water and some morals
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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