now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
