i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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