Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Pińatas plus fireworks don't mix well
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
