Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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