dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
