I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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