dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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