I like my sex mixed with concussions.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
