why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
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I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
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I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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