I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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