i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
