**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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