I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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