i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
