it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
