i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
