Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
