her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
