Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
