Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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