I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
