I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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