I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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