He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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