then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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