I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Randomize
