the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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