We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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