so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
