the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
You've changed since you got that strap on
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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