I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I can't put those talents on a resume
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
