i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
the liver wants what the liver wants
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize