How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
