call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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