The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
