The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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