I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
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