Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
