i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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