Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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