So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
