I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
